Robinhood Now Offering Actual Mining Training To Bitcoin Traders


MENLO PARK – As the number of traders on Robinhood has skyrocketed, so has the interest in mining bitcoin, a digital currency that no one has any idea how to use in the real world. Bitcoin can be a volatile market and losses have been dramatic for many millennial traders that have no understanding of risk since their parents coddled them their entire lives.

In an effort to provide help to those that have lost college tuition money in bitcoin, Robinhood has launched a partnership with the United Mine Workers of America (UMWA). The partnership looks to provide training to millennials on how to dig a hole in the ground with state-of-the-art equipment, such as a shovel and pick-axe. UMWA President Cecil Roberts stated, “We view this as a great potential feeder system to our industry. This training will allow us to screen out the millennials that are too lazy and dumb to even dig a ditch.”

When reached for comment, Robinhood Co-CEO Vladimir Tenev confided, “We’ve been taking advantage of these idiot millennials for so long, we felt we needed to offer them something in return for the millions of dollars we have extracted from them. Teaching them how to dig a hole in the ground seemed like a better use of their skill-sets than financial training.”

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